Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize