her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Say something about gay babies.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
