She is in my trunk
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
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