Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
