I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
