matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
