so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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