i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
