my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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