Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
