I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
