she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just threw up on my dentist
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
