Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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