And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
