I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
