i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
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high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
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Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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