People with herpes should wear stickers.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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