I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
