I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
