We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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