God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You're a waste of cheezeits
Holy sore nipples Batman
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
