shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
