K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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