Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Acid is not a monday night drug
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Dignity is for republicans.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
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