I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
