At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
