who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
This baby is an asshole
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
