I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
