I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
