You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I love you.
Bad choice
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
