9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
