Acid is not a monday night drug
Girls should come with a carfax report
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
