Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
