I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
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she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
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She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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