A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
You took a bar mat shot.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
