You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
