I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
