You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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