I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize