I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
