I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
How does it feel to date your dad?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
