Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
