Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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