just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
