I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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