walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
