Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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