Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
is that a dick in a sweater?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
