after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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