I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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