I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
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