You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
