Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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