Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
