am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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