he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
The cops high fived after they tackled you
If I had your ass I would rule the world
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
