I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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