he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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