I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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