the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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