I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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