WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
