Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
