...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
