Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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