life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
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I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
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