yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
