i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
