I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
