woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
