you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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