I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
