If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
