you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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