I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
as a side note pls kill me
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