I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
