I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
