That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
