I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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