I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
