Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You are the jesus of drinking
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Hello my rib-scented angel!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
