you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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