i think i have two assholes
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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