Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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