I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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