I am puke
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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