I smell stomach acid.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
