Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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