Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
