What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
